This is a little sad, of course.  This woman is well-spoken, composed, and did all she could to plead her case–where she is indisputably in the right–only to hear a pat reply and the further humiliation of sporadic and unnecessary applause.  I can only imagine that she left the forum feeling more frustrated than ever, and tried to console herself that she did her best as a citizen.

However, I take issue with pretty much everything she said, as it encapsulates my discomfort with gay marriage quite succinctly.  Gay marriage is about outraged Haves irritated with the last roadblock on their path to total normality.  Just as most religious people care for neither the finer theological points of their faith nor the blunt tenets to be kind and generous and loving towards others, but are instead obsessed with appearances of propriety and relish any opportunity to cash in on their public piety as a means to look down on others whose sins and omissions spill into view, the Ordinary Citizen-Advocate for gay marriage seems obsessed with suburban norms first and foremost, and grounds their arguments in that idiom.

Anne Tischer is a citizen, obviously, and homeowner and a churchgoer and a taxpayer in a long-term relationship.  In fact, she pays “ridiculous taxes,” sending her money “down the Albany drain.”  We know she lives in suburbia because she and her partner are into yard work.  She has neighbors and she’s just like them. Only an intense hypocrite could quibble with this  woman’s “choice of lifestyle.”

But for her love of pussy, she’s just like “you” and “me.”  She’s “Us,” not “Them.”  It’s just stunning how the entitled middle class gets to dress itself up as an aggrieved minority.  The prevailing attitude is, “By all appearances, I am an upstanding citizen, and so I should have this right!  How could I possibly not?”  Teh Gay is now a “Hyper-Citizen,” overly assimilated into an ethos that, to me, seems a priori undesirable and fucked up.

For a million reasons, the Movement isn’t going to showcase flamboyant and non-monogamous fags in messy, short-term relationships who dress weird, have shitty jobs, student and credit card debt, maybe a few tickets for public urination and who–God forbid–rent.   And that’s okay, as long as people are intellectually honest about it.  Gay marriage is, um, somewhat divorced from nearly every other progressive demand for social change.  If people were really worried about medical rights they’d give each other power of attorney.  If that seems onerous, try planning a wedding.  They just want the paper and the gooey feeling that comes with knowing you’re just like every other aspirant to bourgeois normality.

Gay marriage is about a sliver of the middle- and upper-middle classes baffled by how social justice could possibly be denied them; they are the paradigmatic Anti-Queers whose concerns for social justice frequently does not extend beyond the median of grass between the sidewalk and the street–which they mow and edge, thank you very much.  As with military issues, it consumes our nefarious agenda because it puts the movement’s “best” (i.e. least scary) face forward.  Like the (patriotic, gender-appropriate) veteran, the lawful hyper-citizen has supplanted the spectacle of the politicized drag queen.  What’s a flaming faggot to do?