The last time Massachusetts elected a Republican to the Senate was in 1966, the Thermidorian Reaction against LBJ’s Great Society.  Forty-four years ago, that man was Edward Brooke, the first popularly elected African American Senator.  He was a liberal Republican, the first in the party to urge Nixon to resign, and he had sex with Barbara Walters.

Now Massachusetts has fucked everything up, potentially for as long as current trends in US politics can be extrapolated into the future.  I did my best to wait 24 hours so as to minimize by abrasive dyspepsia, but to hell with it.  Fuck you, Massachusetts.  For your treasonous misdeed, I sentence Boston to endless tunneling and interstate reroutings and cost overruns and gridlock in perpetuity.  They deserve it.  (Also, the last time I was there everyone wore Abercrombie and I saw lots of women with their hair pulled back through baseball caps, which is my least favorite look except for women who are overly made up but still leave the house with wet, stringy hair.  Ugh, I just hate that city).

May I suggest banning minarets next, followed by “No Irish Need Apply”?

Of course, if the Democrats weren’t the saddest pile of shit you ever saw, riddled with absolute hacks and douches like Ben Nelson, a 59-seat majority would be no problem for advancing the core of their agenda and saving their asses in November.  Had Martha Coakley not been a lazy dullard with no aptitude for campaigning, this would never have happened.  If Harry Reid weren’t a milquetoast Mormon too weak to police his own subordinates, we might be okay.  But we’re not.  A third of the country remains one slip on the ice away from medical bankruptcy, and last time I checked, government’s grubby paws were still all over my Medicare.

The state that already provides health care to its residents could not have voted more parochially (pun intended).  Maybe it’s got some true progressive bastions in Cambridge/Somerville and the lesbian-librarian belt in the Berkshires, but the rest of the state’s Democrats are basically white ethnics who indulge in residual Catholic compassion for the poor but who really get worked up when some stupid fucking Hillary-clone can’t remember who plays what for the Red Sox.  That’s what this came down to: a talk radio gaffe, from baseball.

I swear to Christ, if I ever hated sports I truly loathe them now.  Professional sports are a nice, neat microcosm of the belligerent side to our national character; they’re basically as creepy as North Korean Mass Games.  Their dumb reach into politics really hit the shits this time.  I’m sure all the people who talk about the Red Sox as “we” voted for the pornstar teabagger over the condescending technocrat.  Imagine if Gore had done that in 2000–he would have lost Massachusetts, too.

Nooooooo!